This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
