I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
