are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
