I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
