Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize