i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I had to cum in my sink.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize