I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
