Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
