the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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