Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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