I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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