part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
