So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
