i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Congratulations! We have a period
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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