i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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