drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
