Having a random hookup so left but love u
if only i could text you this smell
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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