Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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