Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
