I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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