Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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