using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
