I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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