Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize