WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
