Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
His nipple licking is glorious
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