i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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