I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
