Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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