the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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