I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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