I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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