just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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