i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
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So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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