I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have feelings that need drinking.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
