I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
