i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
