it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
