i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
