i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
