Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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