Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
