whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
