you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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