I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
