Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
