I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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