Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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