New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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