he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
