I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
