her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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