Your face is a jimmy john
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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