Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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