You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
