I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
