You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
