I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
