I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
