ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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