I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
