***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
