I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
