I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
