you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
