I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
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you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
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Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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