true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
