you guys were way drunker than both of me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
