remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize