It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I looked at my own cervix.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
