he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
