I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
